smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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