oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize