i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
