Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
