Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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