sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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