i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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