The maid of honor just puked.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So much Jack, so little girl.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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