allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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