My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
