So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
