Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
