How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
