I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
