hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
