I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
