The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
