i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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