and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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