I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's always time for handjobs
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Of course I have a pirate flag
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
