she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
