Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
