Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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