I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
