i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
