i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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