And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
