I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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