wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
