The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
