If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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