Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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