I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
