they need to just BURY HIM!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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