I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
