Im at strip club and am horny
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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