i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
