I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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