I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
