These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
