But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
