So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
