We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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