i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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