just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
