the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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