what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
