For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
