Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
