Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
