I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
