I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
