i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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