she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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