Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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