to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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