He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
