Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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