the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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