I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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