idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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