im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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