We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
