we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
In America we eat man semen.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
third nipple confirmed
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
