Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
