as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize