I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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