She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
