My room smells like vodka and shame
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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