we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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