And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
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Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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